so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Soap is not a condiment
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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