i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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