I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
