so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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