I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
