Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
