help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
