ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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