i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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