finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
