You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
