Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
