Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize