Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
