I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
