I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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