yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize