he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
