So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize