she peed on how many people?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
