we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
