wat bout pragnant strippers??
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
