All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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