I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
