Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So vagazzling was a success
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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