I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
