thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
