I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
