C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
