shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize