Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
