I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
