Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You dont lie about slip and slides
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
