i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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