He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
