My liver just broke up with me...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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