I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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