New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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