i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
