we're blogging at a bar
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
