Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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