you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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