seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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