I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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