you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
