"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize