listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life is pants optional.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
