I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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