So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
