you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
