Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
whose parrot is this?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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