But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
