She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
