Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
