you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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