I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
