well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
