I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
