; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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