oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
