FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So squirting runs in the family.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
