Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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