Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
