he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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