He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
