hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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