Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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