Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
