I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
