I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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